What If
by soccerandswimming2001
Summary: This is a story of what I thought what would've happened if Rose had given into DImitri and let him awaken her. ONE SHOT!


**This is a story of what would've happened if Rose had given in to Dimitri and let him awaken her and be Strigoi together.**

DISCLAIMER- Vampire Academy is owned by Richelle Mead, not me. I own the plot.

Rose POV

I always wonder what would have happened if I refused Dimitri. Would I have died from a broken heart, or would he have just killed me. I have been a Strigoi for only a few weeks and the emotions that are running through my mind are regret, nervousness, sadness, and disappointment.

Regret because it shouldn't have ended like this, I shouldn't have let him use me like his toy and I shouldn't have let him turn me. I was drugged up on the endorphins from his bites and they blurred my thinking, he knew they would too. It had been his plan all along. I was nervous because I didn't want to kill people. I was sad because I wouldn't get to see Lissa or any of the other people I loved and cared about like Adrian and Christian and Eddie. Finally the disappointment, it was in my self, for being so weak and letting myself be used like a doll. I couldn't even help myself, how did they expect me to protect Lissa. I need to find Eddie and have him kill me, it's the only way. I thought I was hot stuff, being shadow-kissed and all, but really I had a big ego and cold heart that only was warmed by him. I thought that our love would bring him back but it just got me into trouble.

I still could enter Lissa's head but I couldn't feel her otherwise, I couldn't really feel anything anymore. She was sitting with her head buried in Christian's chest, crying an ocean. I hope it isn't because of me, I don't deserve it. "She didn't deserve to die. She was such a great guardian." Lissa sobbed. _No don't cry, please. _I thought and she lifted her head. Christian looked down at her and wiped her eyes. He didn't say I was in a better place because, in reality, I was in a worse one.

"I heard her voice Christian, am I going crazy?" She asked and he shook his head.

"Of course not." He replied and she nodded and lay back down. I pushed out of her head and wanted to cry. I wanted to cry so, so bad but I couldn't, one of the perks of being Strigoi. I don't need sleep either so everyone was always awake, no sneaking out for me. I got up from my place on my bed and walked out of the bedroom and to the front door of my flat that I was forced to share with Dimitri. Even though I loved him once I try to be as hostile to him as possible, shutting him out every chance I get. 

"Where are you going?" Dimitri asked and I didn't answer, I just slammed the door and ran, ran as fast as I could. Of course I ran into some Strigoi but I knocked them out and just kept going. It was night but would be day in less than an hour. I ran through the country sides of Siberia and wasn't planning on stopping until it killed me, which would be as soon as the sun had risen. I remember a conversation long ago that Dimitri and I had. He said that if he was ever turned Strigoi he wanted someone to kill him, and I agreed. No one would kill me out here, so I had to do it myself. I was going to incinerate myself in the sun, be turned to ashes.

Although I have had a really bad relationship with God all my life, in the back of my mind I always believed he was there. _Please, please keep Lissa, Eddie, Mia, and Christian safe. I need you to do this one thing for me. _I thought to him and I felt a pang in my chest. Do I really want this? "Rose!" I heard a voice from behind me and saw Sydney. Come on, can't anyone leave me alone? I turned around and her jaw dropped. "R-r-rose." She stammered and I just plopped down onto the ground, laying in the pinkish spring beauty, bloodroot, and wild ginger. (All Wildflowers.)

"Sydney, what are you doing here? Why are you near me…? Don't you think I'm dangerous?" I asked and she sat down next to me.

"I know you Rose, you wouldn't hurt me." She replied. "What are you doing here, aren't you afraid you'll turn to ashes." She said and I shrugged.

"That's the point I guess. I was weak and spineless and let love blind me. I agreed to something I shouldn't have and now I am making it right." Was how I replied and she lied down next to me.

"Well then… if you want I can stay, hold your hand." She offered and I grasped her hand tightly.

"Thank you" I whispered as the sun came up.

I heard Sydney say she was sorry, for everything that had happened to me, that I didn't deserve what had happened to me. For a moment I believed her.

I felt the sun before I saw it and me legs burned. I felt emotions that I hadn't felt in weeks. Right as the sunlight hit my torso I felt wetness on my cheeks. I lifted my hand to my face and felt big fat tears rolling down from my eyes. I smiled a teeny bit and sobbed as my body turned to ashes and my soul was released from this everlasting cross between life and death. I could finally be happy, finally be free from the heart break and sorrow that plagued me on earth. Finally be happy. Finally be happy….

**A/N: So thank you for reading, I appreciate it. I just finished Spirit Bound and it was amazing! This was my first VA fanfic but I see more in my future!**

**Ciao**

**Savanah**


End file.
